How I Know I Am Not a Good Person

It's driving that brings out the demons in me. It's gotten worse since I quit smoking almost three years ago. Other drivers drive me bonkers and I curse them uncontrollably. By which I mean that I have filled the car with peaceful music meant to soothe the beast within--and some **%%## cuts me off and "%**%%$$##@ you pathetic ##$$%% ###," leaps out of my mouth, bypassing the internal censor. There are no cars behind me; they could have waited. But impatience is a learned behaviour of this city (any city?).

I am a native Tucsonan and you can tell this by the fact that I think it's perfectly OK when on a four- or six-lane street with no or only two other cars on the road, to ignore whatever idiotic speed limit they've posted and go anywhere from 50 to 65. And the yellow light means try to get through the intersection. Of course I know that when my light turns green, some other idiot is going to run the red light--red and yellow being such similar colors--and green means proceed with caution. They've installed traffic cameras at certain intersections to catch red light runners--guess what, even the cops do it. On or off duty, not on a chase.

And you can't trust if someone who has their signal on will turn, because they've been driving in the right lane with the left OR right turn signal on for the last 3 miles, 6 intersections. And conversely, you can't rely on people to USE their signal when they want to turn, because THEY know what they're going to do, why should they let others in on the secret?

And now that guy ahead of you who's using two lanes to weave his way onward isn't drunk--no, he's on his effing cellphone.

Did I mention I clench my jaw and grind my teeth? By the time I get home, I have a raging headache and a muscle spasm that won't quit.

My dream of driving through the city, getting my errands done, spreading bliss and light wherever I roam, is crushed. I am a righteous, judgemental, better-than-you, road-raging warrior, and if you cut me off again, I'll ride your butt until you finally get out of my effing way, you ##$$%% ***!