Tragedy

In the aftermath of the Connecticut shootings, like any of the mass shootings that seem to be so common in our society, with the grief comes blame.

The children have gone to a better place, they are held in the arms of love. The teachers and staff, some of them, died knowing that they were protecting the children. Think about it; what a gift, to know that your last act was of love.

As always, it is we, the living, who are left with grief, questions, blame, confusion, anger. With the confusing, unglamorous, tedious minutiae of figuring out how to live our truths, spread love in the world, do no harm.

It is tempting to blame the accessibility of guns in our society. It is tempting to blame the lack of mental health services. It is tempting to try to find the answer in the banning of guns and the further "protection" of children behind locked fences and doors in their schools. It is tempting to look for answers anywhere other than the deep questions of heart and spirit that our country needs to ask. We won't find the answers unless we ask the questions. It's tempting to continue the blame game and divisions so evident in our politics. Evident in the definition of politics, which used to mean social relations and now is defined as governance and power.

We need to redefine our politics as the practice of social relations. Each one of us lives in a world where this tragedy happens, often. Each one of us has to find a way to live with that fact. We need to stretch our hearts to encompass forgiveness of the shooters, and the society that allowed this to happen, through neglect, or ignorance, through callousness, selfishness, or whatever lack or fault we name--to forgive ourselves, for our compliance or failure to make a difference. It's up to us to forgive, and live, and love the children while we have them.

And yet... I invite you to look at a discussion on Amazon, about Angel trees, and how poor kids ask for expensive stuff. Part of the people posting take the position that kids should not ask for iPods and xboxes because they are expensive gifts, and part of the people posting think it's ok for kids to dream. So what is love? The Bible says if your kid asks for fish, you're not gonna give him a stone. It covers food, not iPods. But it does talk about God delighting to give good things, and clothing lilies in glory, and caring about birds that fall from their nests.

We need to find the place in our hearts where religion means love and not control. We have to do the hard stuff, the work of the living: loving, grieving, forgiving, changing.

We'll get there, eventually. The Dominion of Love, aka Kingdom of Heaven, will manifest on earth. Here, tangibly. It could be all around us, in us, if we had eyes to see. If we had hearts to sing, and arms to embrace, and legs to walk the talk, and the will to dream it true.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is more than acceptance of the past. It's releasing the unhappiness 
and pain of the past. When we haven't forgiven, we keep visiting the pain of the 
past and giving it a home in our hearts right now. And making that pain new is 
something we are doing to ourselves.

Forgiveness seems to be that actual step of choosing joy instead of pain and 
maybe even being actually glad things happened the way they did. I have not been 
able to get that far very often, because I am a sad, cranky person in my middle 
self. My lower self is a happy dancing kid, my higher self is twirling in 
ecstasy in the deep heavens; my middle self has been trying to figure out how 
much to blame who, what for. I am finding that it's generally safer to blame 
hormones, and the way to keep the hormones balanced and happy is to choose to be 
happy.

In a paradoxical way, to accept the past is reliving it, while forgiving 
releases the past. I know it's all been said before; I haven't ever understood 
this much of it before. I wanted to really understand forgiveness. I watched 
part of an online Oprah about forgiveness and there was a beautiful shining 
woman who said she had forgiven her molester, yes, she would (basically) invite 
him to her home and wash his feet like Jesus did. I was jealous of her freedom 
and her smile, and I immediately turned off the program. But I have been asking 
soul questions about forgiveness ever since.

I think I've been confusing forgiveness with an emotion instead of an act of the 
heart. "Forgive thy brother seventy times seven; turn the other cheek." This is 
alien advice to the fragile self. And yet. The work of the Spirit is to create 
balance and joy; for every act of evil, thoughtlessness or meanness, God's will 
and promise is to bring forth love and joy. Whether I am the victim of meanness 
or its perpetrator, it is my job then and there to replace it with mercy and 
love. A new world, a world of loving kindness for all, is created person by 
person, heart by heart. It begins with each one of us, to do unto others not as 
we have been done to, but to love as we wish we were loved. There are really no 
excuses. In a heart filled with love there is no room for hate. As wonderful as 
it is to feel justified,  if I still hurt, it's really by my own choice. As Yoda 
said, "There is no try, do or don't do."

I still wish my heart would be immediately replaced by God's heart. I want to be 
the flower, not just the seed and stem and bud growing. But that is my reality 
now. As one flower-in-training to another, I salute you, I wish you sun and rain 
and joy.