Forgiveness

Forgiveness is more than acceptance of the past. It's releasing the unhappiness 
and pain of the past. When we haven't forgiven, we keep visiting the pain of the 
past and giving it a home in our hearts right now. And making that pain new is 
something we are doing to ourselves.

Forgiveness seems to be that actual step of choosing joy instead of pain and 
maybe even being actually glad things happened the way they did. I have not been 
able to get that far very often, because I am a sad, cranky person in my middle 
self. My lower self is a happy dancing kid, my higher self is twirling in 
ecstasy in the deep heavens; my middle self has been trying to figure out how 
much to blame who, what for. I am finding that it's generally safer to blame 
hormones, and the way to keep the hormones balanced and happy is to choose to be 
happy.

In a paradoxical way, to accept the past is reliving it, while forgiving 
releases the past. I know it's all been said before; I haven't ever understood 
this much of it before. I wanted to really understand forgiveness. I watched 
part of an online Oprah about forgiveness and there was a beautiful shining 
woman who said she had forgiven her molester, yes, she would (basically) invite 
him to her home and wash his feet like Jesus did. I was jealous of her freedom 
and her smile, and I immediately turned off the program. But I have been asking 
soul questions about forgiveness ever since.

I think I've been confusing forgiveness with an emotion instead of an act of the 
heart. "Forgive thy brother seventy times seven; turn the other cheek." This is 
alien advice to the fragile self. And yet. The work of the Spirit is to create 
balance and joy; for every act of evil, thoughtlessness or meanness, God's will 
and promise is to bring forth love and joy. Whether I am the victim of meanness 
or its perpetrator, it is my job then and there to replace it with mercy and 
love. A new world, a world of loving kindness for all, is created person by 
person, heart by heart. It begins with each one of us, to do unto others not as 
we have been done to, but to love as we wish we were loved. There are really no 
excuses. In a heart filled with love there is no room for hate. As wonderful as 
it is to feel justified,  if I still hurt, it's really by my own choice. As Yoda 
said, "There is no try, do or don't do."

I still wish my heart would be immediately replaced by God's heart. I want to be 
the flower, not just the seed and stem and bud growing. But that is my reality 
now. As one flower-in-training to another, I salute you, I wish you sun and rain 
and joy.